To have a baby…
In 28 days…
… of not being able to breathe out of my nose, and thus day four of no smell/taste. This is the third time this year. Now let me just say this; When you are a very pregnant lady who’s emotional stability, or lack thereof, relies heavily on the taste & smell of food throughout the day, a stuffed up sinus cavity can only be bad. However, being the optimist I’d like to think I am (I will argue with myself here and say there have been some extreme pessimistic qualities emerging in this haze) I have come up with a list of pros when it comes to not being able to smell:
Can’t smell dog on my favorite blanket
Can’t smell poopy diapers
Can’t smell farts (not mine, mine don’t stink, true story)
Can’t smell husband’s spicy hummus
Can’t taste bad onions in salad
Can’t taste aftertaste of vitamins
Probably couldn’t taste poisonous affect of orange juice post-toothpaste if I wanted to try that
So all in all there is some good to being unable to breathe.
Again, I will try to be honest though and get down to the real reason why I’m writing this:
I am in the worst f$&king foul mood ever and I swear to God if I can’t taste my dinner tonight or the sweets I want to inhale afterwards someone is getting it. And that someone will probably be my crabby ass neighbor, Florence, who despite having a kind of cool name and actually saying hello in a nice tone to me the other day, pisses me off in all her nagging downer half-out-of-her mind bullshit. Like, just go knock on her door and let her hear my wrath. And then probably bawl my f$&king eyes out because I don’t know who’s emotions I have or where my calm chill self went. Which just might lead to a hug, and a change of heart, but who wants to think of that when they’re hormonal and unable to enjoy the fancy cheese that’s been in the fridge for three days now?! Yeah, not me.
I’m somewhere between “Today I feel Silly” by Jamie lee Curtis and “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”, and I don’t like it. What I’d really like most is to be able to smell my son’s sweet head and chill the F out. Send some good vibes.
(Oh and just because I almost forgot, I’ve actually considered throwing a ball at the people doing yard work because my kid is sleeping and idontwanttolistentoyourstupidloudmachineswhenifeellikethis! Or EVER! Bah humbug!)